Where To Go

There’s a recurring theme in my life right now. The theme of wilderness.

The stories in Scripture that I’m resonating with the most these days seem to have characters in the wilderness - going into it, coming out of it, or wandering around in it for longer than they want to be there. I’m thankful for these stories, but also… the wilderness kinda sucks.

Photo from our trip to Northern California last year (I think this is near Lake Tahoe)

I haven’t shared very openly about what’s gone on in our lives that has instigated a lot of these feelings (and I won’t start now, sorry to disappoint), but I do want to share a little bit about how I have felt. And the reason I want to share about how I have felt is because I have talked to so many people who have felt this same way this year — some for the exact same reasons, some for totally different reasons, some in my city, some in different states, and even some in different countries.

I know what it is like to feel like you are walking in a wilderness all by yourself — and then all of a sudden, encounter a friend and have this moment like, “you’re here too!?!”. I have found great comfort in experiences like that, so I wanted to share a quick voice memo recording of a song that I wrote this week, with the hope that maybe it will find someone else in their wilderness and they’ll have that same “you’re here too!?!” comfort that I’ve received from others.

Listen to “Where To Go” (music and lyrics by Allie Crummy)

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Lyrics

I’m scanning for life in this wilderness

I’m squinting my eyes in the dark

I kept my composure for so many years

I knew all my lines, played my part

I’m out here alone in the thick of it

At least it feels that way

A friend would be calming but also alarming

I’d hate if they’re lost in this place

Oh, the friendly persuasions

And slight rearrangements

Your PR just looks like a show

But I want the real thing

Your façade is not appealing

But I don’t know where I should go

I’m clinging to Jesus with all I am

I’ve got the white knuckles to prove

I never came out here to run from my faith

But faith was what caused me to move

I’m stumbling along with no GPS

I’m feeling my way as I go

I never asked for any of this

I wish I just knew where to go