End of the World
“Who am I... am I a person or a product of time?”
The Mind of a Hen
“End of the World” is the second song that I wrote for my album, Henny Penny. After writing “Caving In” (read more about that here), and deciding on the idea of a concept album based on the folktale, “Henny Penny”, I wanted to get myself inside the minds of the characters, and see the story from their perspective. Take the main character, Henny Penny, herself: what would it be like to be convinced that the sky was falling? Not only that, but to be so convinced that the sky was falling that it was necessary to gather all your friends to go on a journey to alert the king? What would it feel like to believe that everyone is in danger, and you’re the first to know about it? “End of the World” was written from that frame of mind.
“I’m overreacting, that’s what they’ll say, that I’m getting carried away.”
You Sure About That?
It probably says a lot about me that a major theme that emerged as I tried to enter the mind of Henny Penny was that of self-doubt and maybe even embarrassment. Even as a folktale chicken from the comfort of my own imagination, I was afraid of what people would think of me. But that’s normal right?? Because wouldn’t someone look really crazy if they were claiming that the sky was falling, but there was no visible evidence to support their claims? And wouldn’t it be a normal thing to anticipate that people would push back against your assertion, and even demand proof? Proof that you knew you could not supply. Wouldn’t anxiety be a normal thing for a hen to feel in such circumstances?
[[Before I continue, I must acknowledge that I am anthropomorphizing the characters in this story, and I’m doing it hard. You will see me switch back and forth between animal language and human language as I reference them, and I will offer no apologies for this.]]
“If it’s not the end of the world, then why does it feel like it is?”
Is She Okay?
I shared an early version of “End of the World” with an online songwriting feedback group. One woman gave me the response I often get when I share my songs with people. It’s a response that I dread. She expressed worry over the state of the song’s narrator, saying, “I just wanted to make sure that she’s okay”.
When you’re a person who indulges the raw and scary questions of life and faith, and you’re also a songwriter who writes honest songs, you’ll encounter this response with some frequency. I understand this response, but I also find it frustrating. Sometimes this response makes me feel even more misunderstood. I want to push back and tell them that they are mistaking me - a whole person - for a song - and a song that’s a little bit exaggerated at that. It’s just a song, not my full internal dialogue.
Also? A song can just be depressing, folks. Songs don’t have to be positive and encouraging (it’s not like K-Love is playing my music anyway, ha!). Just let the song be what it is.
Now, to the woman at the feedback loop who “just wanted to make sure she’s okay”… um… I have terrible news. “She” is not okay. “End of the World” is written from Henny Penny’s perspective - not mine. Henny Penny is a lot of things, and okay is not one of them. An acorn fell from a tree and hit her on the head, and she interpreted that to mean that the WHOLE SKY was falling. She then convinced all of her friends to go with her to warn the king, and (depending on the tradition you’re reading) she came home ALONE because all of her friends were MURDERED along the way. Is she okay?? Most certainly, she is not.
“I’m still an optimist.”
I did change a lyric to accommodate this feedback, though. Just a little bit. The third verse originally started with the line, “I looked for the end of the world, I searched for signs that were missed”. I changed it to, “I don’t want the end of the world, I’m still an optimist”. Honestly, the first draft is more true to the Henny Penny character, in my opinion. But at the end of the day, the artist on the song is Allie Crummy, not a fictional hen. And I am still an optimist.
“A streetlamp goes out, the bank closes down, rumors of salary cuts. Great cities fade into ghost towns. So couldn’t it happen to us?”
Annihilation Anxiety
One of the biggest reasons that the “Henny Penny” concept album idea had legs is because at times, I have felt what I’d call, annihilation anxiety. I assume it’s an actual diagnosable disorder, but I don’t expect that I would be diagnosable. It’s just that I’ll get an eery feeling, deep in my gut, a handful of times, that seems to say, “ahhhhh the sky is falling!”. Sometimes normal things trigger it like climate news or escalating wars. But more often, very strange things will trigger it, like Kmart going out of business, or the Wells Fargo branch near our house closing down. Or there was that time I played at a festival in Clinton, Iowa, and as I drove around to get a feel of the city, I found that probably 75% of the downtown was vacant. Ghost town vibes. Cue the annihilation anxiety.
Judge this eery feeling in my gut, accuse me of catastrophizing, or call me mellow dramatic all you want; I partly agree with your judgment. But counterpoint: many great civilizations have fallen into ruin and have ceased to exist entirely. Life as we know it has not always looked like life as we know it. (For example, see the fall of the Mayan Empire. See also: the dinosaurs.)
“Am I just a single domino, waiting for my turn to fall down in line?”
Do I believe this is the end of the world? I do not. I’m just saying that sometimes it feels like it is. 2024 is a crazy year (especially from the vantage point of North America). We’ve got cicada broods emerging from the deep, a total solar eclipse, something called a Devil’s comet, a supernova-looking thing, ballooning prices of everything (except for paychecks), an American presidential election, a last minute change-up to said election, and an attempted assassination on one of its main candidates. And do you remember the UFO hearings from last fall, because I definitely have not forgotten about those, as anyone who talks to me on a regular basis can confirm. More seriously, you have the really disturbing things like war, rising sea levels, and extreme storms.
Annihilation anxiety is not an everyday feeling for me, but it has popped up enough that I needed to deal with it. Writing “End of the World” provided a place for me to put those feelings. They are not my dominant sentiments, nor do they represent my belief system, but these feelings do exist, and now they are enshrined in a song… and you can listen to that song now, wherever you stream music!
Listen Now
Miscellany
Miscellaneous things about the “End of the World” music video:
Matt and I shot the music video in Fargo, ND, during a short, kid-less stay (thanks, Grandma and Grandpa!) at a really cool hotel, BrewHalla. If you find yourself staying overnight in Fargo, I definitely recommend this place.
Most of the scenes for the music video were shot at a place called Art Alley in Fargo. It felt very appropriate to sing “End of the World” there, because the location read more like a graffiti’d train yard than an outdoor art installation. At one point, while we were filming, a man was rummaging through a pile of garbage behind me. I tried to remove him from all the footage because I didn't want to be disrespectful to him in any way, but there is one little shot where you can see him deep in the background.
It was really hot when we shot this - like, upper 90s. What business does Fargo, ND have getting that hot?! [Insert catastrophizing thoughts.]