Earthly
What if following Christ is something that can happen here on earth, in the land of the living? What if it doesn’t require us to reject everything about ourselves that is merely mortal? What if spirituality isn’t something that only exists in the clouds, but also exists in the dirt? What if God hasn’t rejected our human weakness and frailty, but instead, says that we should lean into them in order to find him?
Earthly has been out for two weeks now, and I realized that I haven’t properly explained the title of the album, or how it sums up the theme of these songs yet.
Photo by Josh Harper
Honesty to Earthly
My last album, Honesty, stemmed from a deep conviction, and helped discern a path forward for me: God desires honesty and truth in the inmost parts, so a life of faith must be one of authenticity and vulnerability, rather than some version of fake-it-til-you-make-it. Or, as I put it in this lyric: “you didn’t take on flesh and walk in our suffering so that I can slap a smile on my face”. The incarnation expresses and proves God’s deep care and concern for humanity, and for us as individuals.
I embraced those thoughts, I made decisions based on those convictions, and I let those beliefs simmer… and thus, my album, Earthly, came to be.
Can we forego the fake smiles?
I want the real thing. Your facade is not appealing.
It was a hard time weeping over you.
Photo by Josh Harper
Holy Saturday
Originally, I had a different name for Earthly. I wanted to call it Holy Saturday, which refers to the day between Good Friday and Easter. Also known as Silent Saturday, Holy Saturday allegorically teaches that God’s apparent silence does not mean distance, rejection, or abandonment. Maybe He is working in ways that you can’t sense. Perhaps a resurrection is coming tomorrow. The concept of Holy Saturday is pregnant with hope, but I wanted to create an album that spoke from the perspective of just that day, and didn’t have the hindsight of knowing what was to come on Sunday. What is it like to sit in the unknowing, confusion, and uncertainty at times when God seems silent?
Ultimately, I didn’t like Holy Saturday as an album name. It felt clunky, and I didn’t want to release an album that might feel tied to one time of the year. So I was on the hunt for a different title, when I happened upon Ephesians 4 one day:
What does he ascended mean except that he also descended into the lower, earthly regions?
-Ephesians 4:9
If I am not mistaken (maybe I am), this verse is referring to exactly that day: Holy Saturday. And I loved the word “earthly” in that context. “Earthly” sounds like the incarnation, it sounds like soil and mud and mess; and funny enough, “earthly” feels like an aesthetic match for the vibe of my music.
Earthly, as an album, is an embrace of humanness in the midst of unknowing, confusion, and uncertainty. I wrote these songs during a season of Holy Saturday in my own life, if I can be so cheesy as to call it that. There was a time when I felt like I lost everything, and I had no idea how to find my way back, or where it was that I even wanted to get “back” to. I had spent many years of my life in a very highly demanding religious environment. I had been taught to spiritually bypass my emotions; I would shout truisms at my pain, rather than sitting with it and letting God meet me in it. But the Psalms are filled with the full range of human emotions — the negative ones, too. And even Jesus Himself said, “blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted”. In my Holy Saturday season, I took the step of faith that God wanted me to lean into my pain rather than run from it.
I’m crying out into an empty space, am I lying to myself in this way?
And I know it takes time, we’re just reading line by line. Doesn’t that drive you insane?
I’ve been to hell and back again this year.
Photo by Josh Harper
Hope on the Horizon
So, what comes after a breakup song, a song that pleads to just let me be “weak for a little while”, a song that celebrates the limitations of being “just a person”, and a song about searching for belonging but only finding facades and PR campaigns?
Hope.
A good friend of mine once said in a sermon, “sometimes the dark night of the soul gives way to new life”, and I took that in like it was a prophecy just for me. In time, it has proven true. My Holy Saturday season gave way to new life, to a resurrection of sorts, if you will. I needed to first embrace despair in order to get to hope; and ultimately, hope is stronger than despair.
We’re gonna be alright, no matter the depth or the height.
I see a beacon of hope shining, a light in the land of the living.
Everywhere are signs of life, cuz life is a stubborn little thing. Life is stronger than death.